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Experiencing denial, notably when it occurs frequently, is not a great feeling. An editor is declining your work, delivering a definite “Not interested.” As a writer, I am familiar with rejection. I began pitching articles five decades ago, upon completing my studies. Over the years, I have had multiple books rejected, along with article pitches and countless essays. During the recent score of years, concentrating on commentary, the rejections have only increased. Regularly, I get a rejection frequently—amounting to in excess of 100 times a year. In total, rejections throughout my life number in the thousands. By now, I might as well have a advanced degree in rejection.

But, does this seem like a complaining outburst? Absolutely not. Since, now, at 73 years old, I have embraced rejection.

By What Means Did I Achieve It?

For perspective: By this stage, almost each individual and their distant cousin has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never counted my acceptance statistics—that would be quite demoralizing.

A case in point: lately, a publication nixed 20 submissions consecutively before approving one. Back in 2016, over 50 editors vetoed my manuscript before someone approved it. A few years later, 25 representatives passed on a nonfiction book proposal. An editor suggested that I send articles less frequently.

My Steps of Setback

In my 20s, all rejections hurt. It felt like a personal affront. I believed my writing was being turned down, but who I am.

No sooner a piece was turned down, I would go through the process of setback:

• First, shock. What went wrong? Why would these people be blind to my skill?
• Second, denial. Maybe you’ve rejected the wrong person? It has to be an administrative error.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What do any of you know? Who made you to decide on my efforts? They’re foolish and their outlet is poor. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, anger at those who rejected me, followed by frustration with me. Why do I subject myself to this? Could I be a masochist?
• Subsequently, negotiating (often mixed with delusion). How can I convince you to acknowledge me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, sadness. I’m not talented. What’s more, I’ll never be accomplished.

I experienced this through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Notable Examples

Certainly, I was in excellent fellowship. Stories of authors whose work was initially turned down are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was first rejected. If they could persevere, then maybe I could, too. The basketball legend was dropped from his youth squad. Many US presidents over the past six decades had been defeated in races. The filmmaker estimates that his Rocky screenplay and desire to star were declined 1,500 times. He said rejection as an alarm to motivate me and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he stated.

The Final Phase

Later, when I entered my later years, I entered the last step of rejection. Understanding. Currently, I better understand the various causes why someone says no. To begin with, an editor may have just published a comparable article, or have one underway, or simply be thinking about a similar topic for another contributor.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my idea is not appealing. Or maybe the reader feels I am not qualified or reputation to be suitable. Or is no longer in the field for the content I am submitting. Or was too distracted and scanned my piece too quickly to recognize its value.

Feel free call it an realization. Any work can be turned down, and for any reason, and there is pretty much not much you can do about it. Many rationales for denial are permanently out of your hands.

Within Control

Some aspects are within it. Let’s face it, my proposals may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may lack relevance and impact, or the idea I am trying to express is poorly presented. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe an aspect about my punctuation, notably dashes, was unacceptable.

The point is that, in spite of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have managed to get recognized. I’ve authored several titles—the initial one when I was in my fifties, another, a autobiography, at 65—and more than a thousand pieces. My writings have appeared in publications big and little, in diverse platforms. An early piece ran in my twenties—and I have now contributed to various outlets for half a century.

Still, no major hits, no signings at major stores, no features on TV programs, no presentations, no prizes, no Pulitzers, no Nobel Prize, and no medal. But I can more readily handle rejection at my age, because my, small successes have softened the jolts of my setbacks. I can afford to be philosophical about it all at this point.

Valuable Rejection

Setback can be instructive, but when you heed what it’s attempting to show. Or else, you will likely just keep interpreting no’s the wrong way. So what teachings have I gained?

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